Why you don't let scientists write music...

Sung to the tune of Rasputin by one Boney M. Or if you're slightly more amp inclined, growled to the tune of Rasputin by Turisas

There lived a learned man in the lab long ago
He was smart and mad, in his brain a flame did grow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to data hungry gits he was such a cause of cheer
He could steer the beams like a sniper
Aline them finely with a wire
But he also was the kind of creature
Insanity would desire

RA RA RASPUTIN
Lover of the proton beam
There was a man that really was gone
RA RA RASPUTIN
Pilot of the big machine
It was a shame how he carried on

He ruled a certain lab and never mind the bar
But the collision he caused, really wunderbar
In all affairs of beam he was the man to please
But he was real great when he had a bunch to squeeze
For the DG he was no wheeler dealer
Though he'd heard the things he'd done
He believed he was a holy healer
Who could do no wrong

(Spoken:)
But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger
for power became known to more and more people,
the demands to do something about this outrageous
man became louder and louder.

"This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies
But the machines begged "Don't you try to do it, please"
No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden trickss
Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms
Then one night some men of higher standing
Set a trap, they're not to blame
"Come to visit us" they kept demanding
And he really came

RA RA RASPUTIN
Steerer of the particle beam
They put some quench into his line
RA RA RASPUTIN
Pilot of the big machine
He turned it on and he said "Its just fine"

RA RA RASPUTIN
Steerer of the particle beam
They didn't quit, they wanted 7TeV
RA RA RASPUTIN
Pilot of the big machine
And so they quenched it, the plebs